For us guys the question “am I good enough” tends to revolve around our actions. Our perception of our actions is integral to our self image.
I can’t speak from a woman’s perspective, but I imagine everything in this post would be just as helpful for the men to practice as well.
If what we do is good enough we feel good enough.
If our actions fall short we feel less than.
That is not to say nothing else affects our self image, but actions is probably the largest indicator for most of us guys and important to women too.
I say this because I believe all of us want our loved ones, especially romantic partners, to know we respect them and believe they’re enough.
There are lots of ways to communicate this to your person, but here are a few ideas to help along the way:
- Follow a complaint with a mention of something you appreciate that (s)he does. We all do/don’t do things our SO won’t like, and they should be able to say so. I believe the prior mentioned order is best because we humans often feel like someone is “buttering us up” when they start praising us and wonder “what’s coming next though?” It just seems better to get the “negative” out of the way first and then reassure with a positive.
- “Thank you.” Those words are paramount, and their power should never be underestimated. I get it if you’re thinking, “why should I say that for something that should be done anyway?” I’ll only say that unexpressed gratitude is received as ingratitude. Ingratitude is often taken as expectation turning to resentment.
- Communicate an appreciation for the effort, even when the outcome is subpar.
- Try to let some smaller things slide. Any of us, male or female, can eventually get to the point of feeling like we can’t do anything right. That’s not good for ANY relationship. That’s one of the quickest ways for someone to feel like quitting because trying is pointless.
- Randomly send a text, call, or words communicating 1 or 2 things you really love that your person does.
- “I’m proud of you.” For many of us humans those words will produce our biggest smile.
Here’s hoping your loved one closes out today feeling like (s)he is definitely doing something right.
Until next time,